I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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