Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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