My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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