remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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