No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
