I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
