I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
