Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
if only i could text you this smell
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
