I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
