So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
