It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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