My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
