I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
