My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
