I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
