I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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