This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
