using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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