i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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