just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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