Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think i got beer on your cat.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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