I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
