I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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