Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
