he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
