party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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