you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
