Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
