Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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