new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
