I wish life had little blips of pornography
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
