I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
