Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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