About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
