our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
