I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
