So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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