why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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