a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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