Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I touched a dick in church today
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
