we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
