he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
