They should really pass out barf bags in church
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
