i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
