he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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