This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
