i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
