Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
