I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
