If you die in college, do you die in real life?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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