my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
