I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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